so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
