That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
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