I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
