Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Randomize
