Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
3 2 1 whiskey
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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