I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
