when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
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He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
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I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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