Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
