Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
