Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
