whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
