he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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