At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
