I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
