I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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