the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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