There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
