I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
