grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
