found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
