I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
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