Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Apparently you make a good broom.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
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