I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
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