so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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