where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
