I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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