two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Randomize
