glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
