i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
