I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
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