That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
