well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
