Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
