Texts From Last Night

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  (650): View more from California

  I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.

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  (650): I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now. http://tfl.nu/zi6o
  Replies (16) Good night (1458) Bad night (631)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  needless to say I left

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  (203): I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard. (203): needless to say I left http://tfl.nu/ueme
  Replies (15) Good night (728) Bad night (2918)
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  (805): View more from California

  I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.

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  (805): I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose. http://tfl.nu/niu3
  Replies (23) Good night (768) Bad night (2712)
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  (253): View more from Washington

  Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.

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  (253): Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life. http://tfl.nu/h3s9
  Replies (33) Good night (4863) Bad night (1218)
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck

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  (773): i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck http://tfl.nu/4030
  Replies (24) Good night (4760) Bad night (932)
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  (510): View more from California

  I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.

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  (510): I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself. http://tfl.nu/0jlx
  Replies (74) Good night (982) Bad night (3185)
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines

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  (970): I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines http://tfl.nu/icc2
  Replies (9) Good night (2859) Bad night (1115)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.

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  (610): she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard. http://tfl.nu/kg7h
  Replies (7) Good night (822) Bad night (2167)
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  (619): View more from California

  Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.

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  (619): Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't. http://tfl.nu/8mv6
  Replies (13) Good night (4316) Bad night (1384)
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified

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  (603): More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified http://tfl.nu/si7g
  Replies (5) Good night (1481) Bad night (565)
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  (813): View more from Florida

  You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.

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  (813): You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon. http://tfl.nu/vfo5
  Replies (7) Good night (836) Bad night (1512)
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  (250): View more from British Columbia

  Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?

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  (250): Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude? http://tfl.nu/r6rp
  Replies (2) Good night (1080) Bad night (491)
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.

  (360): View more from Washington

  1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you

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  (206): You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits. (360): 1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you http://tfl.nu/1254
  Replies (9) Good night (2297) Bad night (354)
• Favorite

  (613): View more from Ontario

  Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"

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  (613): Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie" http://tfl.nu/n4uh
  Replies (2) Good night (400) Bad night (239)
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  (907): View more from Alaska

  Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.

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  (907): Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood. http://tfl.nu/d01c
  Replies (3) Good night (545) Bad night (168)

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