In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
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He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
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Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
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