...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
These 25 Teachers Said Horrible Things to Their Students
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.