Texts From Last Night

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  (425): View more from Washington

  Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water

  (425): View more from Washington

  Legs for days

  (1-425): View more from Washington

  Harpoon that

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  (425): Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water (425): Legs for days (1-425): Harpoon that http://tfl.nu/z0dx
  Replies (2) Good night (1882) Bad night (518)
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  (718): View more from New York

  My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.

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  (718): My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life. http://tfl.nu/tfvf
  Replies (35) Good night (619) Bad night (4712)
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?

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  (860): she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that? http://tfl.nu/vpzp
  Replies (12) Good night (2562) Bad night (723)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?

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  (732): I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!? http://tfl.nu/ocr3
  Replies (69) Good night (1817) Bad night (9881)
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive

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  (609): imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive http://tfl.nu/r061
  Replies (50) Good night (4129) Bad night (1020)
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?

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  (817): how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut? http://tfl.nu/0rrw
  Replies (39) Good night (8357) Bad night (1045)
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.

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  (407): I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit. http://tfl.nu/vrom
  Replies (13) Good night (1227) Bad night (2587)
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  (954): View more from Florida

  I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.

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  (954): I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee. http://tfl.nu/z4i3
  Replies (7) Good night (2381) Bad night (741)
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up

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  (440): maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up http://tfl.nu/j6pu
  Replies (6) Good night (3014) Bad night (1586)
• Favorite

  (386): View more from Florida

  Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.

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  (386): Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am. http://tfl.nu/mad5
  Replies (7) Good night (1520) Bad night (658)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.

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  (570): you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do. http://tfl.nu/t26b
  Replies (2) Good night (992) Bad night (590)
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  (765): View more from Indiana

  So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever

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  (765): So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever http://tfl.nu/rkn4
  Replies (3) Good night (1149) Bad night (399)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.

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  (203): Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed. http://tfl.nu/vekr
  Replies (5) Good night (889) Bad night (532)
• Favorite

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.

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  (843): These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds. http://tfl.nu/t12w
  Replies (3) Good night (633) Bad night (238)
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  (936): View more from Texas

  Booty calls should never involve the cops.

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  (936): Booty calls should never involve the cops. http://tfl.nu/8hes
  Replies (4) Good night (471) Bad night (352)

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