turn off your phone and go to bed
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada