Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
Terrible brother advice.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
21 Awkward Ways People Found Out Their Partner Was Into Outrageous Sex Acts
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam