I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..