do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
