omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.