Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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