I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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