Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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