This is not my ceiling
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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