Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
