bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
