I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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