Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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