Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
