Well douche your snatch and let's go!
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
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