pedialite and red bull = repair kit
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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