My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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