I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
soo... how was my night?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
