Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
