i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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