Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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