It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
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I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
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I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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