they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
