Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
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