We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
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My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
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Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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