dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
