ya dads aren't the best wingmen
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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