I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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