It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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