Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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