we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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