when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
