Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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