Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
