i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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