So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
