First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
