Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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