How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
