even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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