Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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