She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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