It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
