I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
