It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
